Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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