i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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