I checked into jail on foursquare
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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