All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
