Jerry, you need to find god
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
