and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
