i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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