I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
