cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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