I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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