k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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