Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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