the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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