Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
