sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize