The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
