So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
