I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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