where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It's like God shit irony all over that family
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
