i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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