I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
They took my balls.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
