I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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