im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
