He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
