I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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