Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
