I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
