Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Dicks are not precious.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
