he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We're too hungover to prance.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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