After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
