Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
