we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
