she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Drake has all the answers
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
