I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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