its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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