you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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