My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
cat food counts as protein by the way
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
