how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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