Since when is my name a synonym for head?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
this hospital has no fireball
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
