I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
