I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
