I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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