Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
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Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
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I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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