Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
