I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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