I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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