we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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