I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
