If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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