literally had 100 drinks last night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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