I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
