kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize