I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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