respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Randomize
