I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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