I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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