4 words: hood of his car
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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