Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
