bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
