I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
