she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
