Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
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I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
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Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack