but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
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the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
BRING THE BAGELS
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"