he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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