giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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