I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
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woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
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He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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