Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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