either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
