I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
