I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
