i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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