you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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