Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You ate ashes out of my bong
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
