you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
