Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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