Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Verdict: uncircumcised.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
